Archive for the ‘WHO SHOULD DIE’ Category

Kill (or spit at least) An Artist Today.

January 10, 2012

Alarmingly reports show that by 2025 there will be more artists in the UK than humans. This will put a huge burden on my already crumbling infrastructure. We need to start the culling of artists. Please support this campaign by slowly ridding the country of this vermin.

alternatively go out with one. After a year move in.  After 3 years, one night, while the artist  sleeps, place a pillow over its head and press down firmly.

put it on the street outside on a thursday  morning  and the council will collect it.

The last man i speak to.

August 4, 2010

I flew home from montreal. A 7 Hour flight.
On the plane one is confronted with the distinct possibility of death or horrific injury.

do i put my life vest on if we crash into a mountain

Of the 2 options on the inflight safety card, i would chose 'B

I was sat next to this man. If the plane had crashed, it would have been him with whom i shared my last moments. i wondered if he would have helped me on with my lifejacket, as i’m no good at knots. He looked so peaceful as we sped through the air at 40,00 feet, in a lump of steel, so i didn’t wake him to ask. As the plane plumpeted toward the atlantic i would have taken his hand and put it to my chest and told him about sheena and whispered some lyrics by Hall & Oates into his ear.

i wonder if he belongs to the mile high club. Christ you can hardly swinging a cat in there, let alone get a hand job. If he had asked me i would have turned once again to Hall & Oates…”And I’ll do almost anything, that you want me too…but i can’t have sex with you in an aeroplane toilet as we face impeding death…i can’t go for that…no can do.”

i struggle to feel romantic in a piss covered cubicle at 40,000 ft


March 15, 2010

I like driving.

My 1.4 litre Polo


i think Formula 1 driver, Michael Schumacher’s, Carbon footprint is quite large.

With all that talk of global warming, killing michael would save enough energy to power Torquay for 3 months. (and no-one likes an arrogant german)click here

I also had a dream last night that he tried it on with my sister

and i dont even have a sister.

and sadly, if i did, i suppose she would look like this.

my sister has a warm heart


March 7, 2010

The world would be a better place with out certain people.
i’m just trying to make life better.
Nick should be raped to death by people of all cultural persuasions.
It might look like this. click here if you really have too.

my webshite


February 28, 2010

click here to see who needs to die next.

%d bloggers like this: