Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

FALLING IN LOVE, TITS AND CAMPING (a short film)

June 10, 2010

A SHORT FILM (about getting turned on in Topshop and other issues)

my web

KIM NOBLE : Always the brides maid. (How to cope with weddings if you’re single)

May 28, 2010

(“…standing at the door, watching the taxi leave, he realised that everything he ever wanted… was in it.”)

The Nominees for a new temporary partner to alleviate feelings of loneliness, desolation and failure during 6 forthcoming weddings this summer are:

A blow Up Doll


PRO’s: No complaints in the sack
CON’s :Not thrilling round the table conversation
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An 80's football Manager


PRO’S: I would appear smitten, It being Bobby Campbell, and my friends would say: “wow, doesn’t he look happy”.
CON’s : having just bumped into him in the street i doubt his availability & possible complaints in the sack.
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modular outdoor flooring system


PRO’s : Impressive after dinner chat when subject amongst couples turn to the subject of ‘decking’.
CON’s : Not sure of there dietary requirements.
—————————————

A dead woman


PRO’s : no complaints in the sack
CON’s : might look awkward in the wedding photos.

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my web

KIM NOBLE : is a ginger prick & Rohypnol

April 21, 2010

Today i bought a Bible… but i digress….
I was recently described amongst other things as being a ginger prick at student comedy night.
(and yes, i agree, do have a disgusting stomach…but its not as bad as it was a few years back during the pregnancy)

me pregnant

Although factually incorrect in places i have taken onboard all comments made…

I digress….today i bought a bible and on the way home i saw this woman who seemed so lovely and peaceful that i decided to leave her to another would be attacker.

an advertisement for Rohypnol & Rape or Oxford Landing's Sauvignon Blanc or Investment in The Underground

my webosit

KIM NOBLE ON: Love Affairs and murder.

April 17, 2010

A lady writes a text on the underground:

“Gav. I think Sara is going to be fine. I spoke to her. She knows. She is upset but OK. Luv you.”

Thats what the text said. I feel sorry for you Sara. Where-ever you are Sara…I am thinking about you.

On your behalf Sara i thought i could push the texting lady on to the rails.

but I don’t know the backstory…and i remember during a session of relationship counselling i had some years back it was noted that i re-act without knowing the whole picture. So i didn’t take any action this time. This time.

In my head this is how i imagine you Sara.

SARA

And its a relief to see you looking so happy now and hopeful have put ‘the incident’ to the back of your mind.

Take Care Sara. Whoever you are.x

My Wab SHit

KIM NOBLE AND WOMEN

January 4, 2010

i’ve been slightly worried about my lack of success with women.
i’ve decided to use Lynx Instinct Revitalising Shower Gel.

it says it : “UNLEASHES YOUR ANIMAL MAGNETISM AND EVOKES PRIMAL INSTINCTS”

after showering myself, i had to feed the cat and nearly vommed at the putrid smell of that jelly.

on leaving the house on the way to the theatre, i saw a dead rat lying in a pool of blood on the pavement

then when i got on the tube, i was forced to sit opposite this lady who played crap music very loudly.


She was a complete fucken dog.
Tomorrow i’m going to use SURE FOR MEN

KIM NOBLE ON : RESULTS Of A-ha breakup

November 5, 2009

THANK if you voted regarding what X should do with the 2 a-ha tickets bought, but were in Y’s possession:

i’d like to thank you each individually for voting, but instead i’m sitting here picturing you….You. You. Siting else where. up right, facing this screen..
erect and engaged, reading with those eyes of yours.

READERS THIS IS FOR YOU

Back to THE A-HA GIG

Unfortunately there were 2 empty seats at the O2 centre during the A-ha performance.
but does it really matter. As long as other seats were being used. A seat is still a seat. (contrary to the view expressed by Kevin spacey’s (of K-pax fame) advert for American Airlines

kevin spacey

X was sitting down during the concert but just in a slightly different place..here in fact:

Green street Medical Centre

Y, i understand, was at another NHS outlet in another part of the country..

RESULTS
10% -Ask y if x can sell the ticket(s) on ebay. a financial incentive may ease part of the heart ache.

24% -Try and forget the whole damn thing. they are y tickets now anyway, a-ha’s new album is shit and y obviously doesnt give a shit anymore.

18% -Go to the concert. perhaps it will be a nice

7% -Phone in a bomb scare on the greenwich peninsula prior to the concert.

47% -Start an a-ha tribute band. (perhaps called te-he)

others from you:

1%-Get a banner, invade the stage. let y know they are a xxxx, get free promo for x

1%-Spunk on the tickets

1%-Call up y and just insist on having the tickets back.

1%-ahh. sad problem for all. piss on her, shit in the tickets

So an a-ha band it is..in the forthcoming weeks i will put this in place….

KIM NOBLE ON: A-HA Breakup

October 24, 2009

Results for the A-HA Break up will be shown soon i thank you all.

Kim Noble on LONELINESS

September 12, 2009

indian shop

this is Anwara Tandoori. 

i pass it everyday

i wave to the man inside

he waves back

i’ve walked passed it most days, for 3 years now.

he never has customers

he works alone.

i occasional pop in and order a jal fraze

and a prawn puree.

we chat briefly about how slow business is.

i like him.

he is a genlte old man, but i cant help feeling how lonely he must be sat there every day waiting for orders that never come.

i once asked him to step outside to see the amusing roadworksign outside his take away

i thought it might cheer him up.

 

.road sign with a penis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

but it didn’t.

Fuck Internet dating….find friendship closer to home.

September 7, 2009

 seeking  friendship and finding it can be a wonderful thing.

however i’ve been told that everything i love, i end up destroying….and i need to address that.


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