Archive for the ‘planes, trains and automobiles’ Category

The last man i speak to.

August 4, 2010


I flew home from montreal. A 7 Hour flight.
On the plane one is confronted with the distinct possibility of death or horrific injury.

do i put my life vest on if we crash into a mountain

Of the 2 options on the inflight safety card, i would chose 'B

I was sat next to this man. If the plane had crashed, it would have been him with whom i shared my last moments. i wondered if he would have helped me on with my lifejacket, as i’m no good at knots. He looked so peaceful as we sped through the air at 40,00 feet, in a lump of steel, so i didn’t wake him to ask. As the plane plumpeted toward the atlantic i would have taken his hand and put it to my chest and told him about sheena and whispered some lyrics by Hall & Oates into his ear.

i wonder if he belongs to the mile high club. Christ you can hardly swinging a cat in there, let alone get a hand job. If he had asked me i would have turned once again to Hall & Oates…”And I’ll do almost anything, that you want me too…but i can’t have sex with you in an aeroplane toilet as we face impeding death…i can’t go for that…no can do.”

i struggle to feel romantic in a piss covered cubicle at 40,000 ft

Advertisements

KIM NOBLE : Where comedy comes from

May 24, 2010

I was recently asked during a shit radio interview in Liverpool, where humour comes from.

WORDS ON TOP OF A SINGLE DECKER BUS

i saw this reference number on top of a bus roof.
Another passed with the reference : GAG M1247
and then another : GAG ME4543

Is there a huge gag and joke database in the sky that God can look down on and reference when he needs cheering up…

my webcrap

KIM NOBLE : Who would you like to die with in a lift?

April 29, 2010

This is how the emergency signs should read.

A truthful lift sign

RESULTS NEXT WEEK.

KIM NOBLE ON: Love Affairs and murder.

April 17, 2010

A lady writes a text on the underground:

“Gav. I think Sara is going to be fine. I spoke to her. She knows. She is upset but OK. Luv you.”

Thats what the text said. I feel sorry for you Sara. Where-ever you are Sara…I am thinking about you.

On your behalf Sara i thought i could push the texting lady on to the rails.

but I don’t know the backstory…and i remember during a session of relationship counselling i had some years back it was noted that i re-act without knowing the whole picture. So i didn’t take any action this time. This time.

In my head this is how i imagine you Sara.

SARA

And its a relief to see you looking so happy now and hopeful have put ‘the incident’ to the back of your mind.

Take Care Sara. Whoever you are.x

My Wab SHit


%d bloggers like this: