Archive for the ‘being alive’ Category

A VEN DIAGRAM (about empathy)

May 23, 2011

The Highlight of Ones Life

April 28, 2011

The birth of a child, your Wedding day, moving into your first house with a loved one,…treasured memories


So imagine my disdain when i realised the highlight of my life happened 18 years by the pool table in the Bull & Gate, in Kentish Town.
Chesney Hawkes (he sang I Am The One And Only in which topped the charts for 5 week in 1991) was standing holding a pint of Fosters.
I was stood about 2 metres away from him.
There was only 4 people in the Pub.

Then this happened…

Chesney dropped his pint and it looked as if he had pissed himself….
There…THATS BEEN THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE. (and i presume life will never again reach the joyous pleasure of that moment). CUNT.

GOOD FRIDAY (no it fucken isn’t)

April 22, 2011

jesus was crucified for your sins on this day a couple of thousand years back.

is it coincidence that my car stereo also got nicked today?

both me and jesus think today should be re-named BAD FRIDAY…or at least..BELOW AVERAGE FRIDAY

LONDON DEMO

January 30, 2011

The protest about the build up of rubbish under my car seat brought a huge police presence, but the lack of public support was disappointing

Cuts and government cut backs (a short story)

November 12, 2010

2 MONTHS AGO

2 month ago i sat waiting for my tube.

my eye was diverted to 3 pieces of rubbish.

 

being eco friendly i decided to select one bit of rubbish, to recycle or dispose of in the appropriate receptacle

the object in question was a slightly used plaster.


i pictured the initial user and the pain he or she might have suffered;

 

i felt i couldn’t throw it away.

so i took it home. This was more than just a discarded plaster.

This was a symbol of healing, a memento of pain, an object of hope in this dark time of cuts and cut backs.

i made  a little shrine for it and its user.

 

 

1 MONTH AGO

So imagine my delight when i cut myself in the kitchen chopping a potato some weeks after

 

and that very same plaster came in very handy.

(although I had to use a little pritt stick, it worked fine)

TODAY

and now my cut has healed, i have no more use for that plaster, and want it to have a happy home

so i am offering it to anyone who needs it.

If you want it then send me your address and i’d be happy to send it on.

Kim noble’s Blog On Blogs

September 30, 2010

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you.
Its important for businesses to know their audience, who they are, where they come from.
On a blog or webpage its possible to research how people get to your site. It can give you valuable knowledge to increase ‘traffic’.

how ever readers i was quite bemused to find that on a number of days the search engine term which most people typed and found this page was : “dead woman“.

the term “shark attack” was also quite high on visitors minds who visited this page.

now i quite like dead women and i’ve never been against shark attack victims but i was alarmed that even the word “frisbee” occurred higher than that of my actual name. I FUCKEN HATE frisbee. It is just wrong and everyone who enjoys throwing a red bit of plastic around a park is a dick.

i’d like to think i cover a range of subjects but obviously people are only interested in dead women who died in shark attacks whilst playing frisbee. So from now on my blogs will focus on that niche market.

By: TwitterButtons.com

YOUR SUGGESTIONS SO FAR:
-Sharks attacked by zombie women
-Your existence.
-I would like you to cover customer feedback.
-Women having sex with Dead Sharks … with frisbees in there somewhere
-dead women who died from shark attacks throwing a gay bit of plastic around a park
-regrets
-yoga
-that guy who cannibalised a passenger on a canadian bus
-evolve your blog into a ‘price comparison’ website like Go Compare
-I followed you from DSI… guilty pleasures
-I want to stick my finger up my japs eye and look at that dirty cunt Lineker
-throwing dead sharks at Arsenal fans in a park

3 quick things

September 23, 2010

1) I had a book dedicated to me. Its rather brilliant. check it out here and buy it here

2) This video has been nominated for something or other. And if you like it you can vote for it.

3)
By: TwitterButtons.com

NOTES (from the country)

September 1, 2010

PART 1)

3.2% of sheep are black Caribbean, black african, black other or mixed


There are 31 sheep in this field.
1 of these sheep is black, the rest are white.
Remarkably this is the exact percentage given by National statistics Online of percentage of Mixed/Black african/ Black Caribbean /black other, living in the UK.
Incredible.
These statisitics are taken from a census of 2001 and ignores the lone sheep in the lower field whom i suppose is gay or some other minority group.

PART 2)

PART 3)


Carvans have the most ridiculous names.
These are Carvans, not superhero’s from a crap hollywood comedy film with Ben Stiller.
These are 6 sides of metal, that sit in fields in crap english campsites in the pooring rain. Inside a pissed loveless northern couple sit staying at a blank scrabble board, while there fucked up 7 year old daughter shits into the sink. And that is the high light of the fucken year. Then the carvan holds up every other tosser on the motorway home.

Real carvan names include:
Ace Pioneer
Clubman Lunar
Crystal Sprint
Swift Conqueror
Meteor
Pegasus

hmmm……

THATS ALL… (for now…now go back to lives…its better out there, than in here)

my wabshit

KIM NOBLE : Always the brides maid. (How to cope with weddings if you’re single)

May 28, 2010

(“…standing at the door, watching the taxi leave, he realised that everything he ever wanted… was in it.”)

The Nominees for a new temporary partner to alleviate feelings of loneliness, desolation and failure during 6 forthcoming weddings this summer are:

A blow Up Doll


PRO’s: No complaints in the sack
CON’s :Not thrilling round the table conversation
——————————–

An 80's football Manager


PRO’S: I would appear smitten, It being Bobby Campbell, and my friends would say: “wow, doesn’t he look happy”.
CON’s : having just bumped into him in the street i doubt his availability & possible complaints in the sack.
——————————

modular outdoor flooring system


PRO’s : Impressive after dinner chat when subject amongst couples turn to the subject of ‘decking’.
CON’s : Not sure of there dietary requirements.
—————————————

A dead woman


PRO’s : no complaints in the sack
CON’s : might look awkward in the wedding photos.

————————————-
my web

KIM NOBLE : Who would you like to die with in a lift?

April 29, 2010

This is how the emergency signs should read.

A truthful lift sign

RESULTS NEXT WEEK.


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