I recently received the above personalised email from a ‘retailers’ asking where had i been all there lives.
I replied with this:
i’ve heard nothing back yet
After this abhorent story of a child left dying after a hit and run incident in china these new devasting pictures have come to my attention of a Wotsit left for dead on the streets of london.
I hate the public. (& Wotsits)
i got some the other night. i was in a public house toilet. and i had just finished a wee and was doing up my fly’s when i caught a bit of my foreskin in the zipper.
it was horrifically painful.
all my problems, the disenfranchised youth, rising water levels, crazed norwegian gunmen, olympic tickets …all that stuff was of no importance to me at all any more…as i stood in agony contemplating the next highly complex task of foreskin de-entanglement.
Why not forget about societies woes and try it yourself?*
i was then presented with the opportunity to
discover close up what it actually felt like to be one
i initially became a power-crazied w*****, and felt i should change my name to Keith…but these feelings subsided to just wanting to arrest someone from an ethnic minority and shoot a innocent brazilian. i now earn £35,979, have a drinking problem and find interaction with people outside of the force very difficult. i hated myself before..but i hate myself even more now. move along please..nothing to see here.